Sunday Phunnies

Universal Time
A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what
 hours the call center is open.

"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says
 the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

A Better Excuse
Toby came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week
 and found his boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Toby?"
 his boss asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Toby sighed, "everything went wrong this morning. My wife decided to
 drive me to the harbor. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry
 didn't turn up."

"Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the
 mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the field
 to this office. "

"You'll have to do better than that, Toby," said his boss, disappointed.
 "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

Long Speech
A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried
 away and talked for over two hours.

Finally, he realized what he was doing. "I'm sorry I talked so long," he
 said. "I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room said, "There's a calendar right behind
 you."