Sunday Phunnies

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
 W. C. Fields

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!
 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.
 Robert Paul

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; “Mommy, you need to buy another baby”.

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
 Unknown

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
 Unknown

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!