Smile: if you can’t lift the corners, let the middle sag.
Unknown
Ten percent of something is better than 100% of nothing.
Unknown
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
Rita Rudner
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.
Oscar Wilde
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
WC Fields
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