Sunday Phunnies

Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have & waste an entire day without having a life.
 Unknown

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”.
 William S. Burroughs

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
 Unknown

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.

May I be excused? My brain is full.

Why go to college? There’s Google.
This girl rang me up one time, she says “come over, nobody is home”, I went over, no one was home!

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
 Robert Frost

When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.
 Rodney Dangerfield

Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.
 Unknown