Sunday Phunnies

Workplace Wisdom

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress, but I am a carrier.

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.